Praying for France

This will be brief.

France is in my mind with a heavy heart tonight. 

Liberté, égalité, fraternité

My prayers are with those suffering tonight, with the first responders, and the future/current caregivers of those effected in the atrocities. 

Hail Holy Queen, 

Mother of Mercy, 

our life our sweetness and our hope. 

To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve; 

To thee do we send up our sighs, 

mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. 

Turn then, most gracious advocate, 

thine eyes of mercy toward us 

and after this our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. 

O clement, 

O loving, 

O sweet Virgin Mary!

Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God

That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Reflecting on School

Good Morning! Its a beautiful day here in Hinesville..... not really. Super rainy. 

I wanted to address something that has taken me awhile to come to terms with.

Art School.

It was and is one of the biggest blessings for me in my life. It has just taken some time to see all of the growth and change it made.

It takes a thick skin, and I hoped that by the time I left I would have one. Sadly however, one never magically materialized. I hoped one day I would wake up and I could just create art without anyone's opinion's sticking to me. Guess what. Never happened. That is just how I am going to be.

I can hold my own better now. I'm not the mess that I was. Before, I used to dissolve into tears when I thought I wasn't doing well enough. I put tragically high bars for myself, and if I didn't measure up (which was a lot) I would become mopey and drag my feet.

Remember, there will always be someone better than you. In art this is true, but what is also true is that their art will NEVER be yours. Inherently two artists are two different creatures, with two different souls, two different stories. Comparing yourself to them, or anyone in life for that matter, is silly and fruitless.

Briefly on Critiques....

In a perfect world critique is a productive and healthy experience. Yes, sometimes you don't see things that are brought to your attention which brings out frustrations, but it shouldn't be malicious. 'Shouldn't' is the key word here. I realize now that I was surrounded by other fragile artists as myself in school. Many also grappling for some sense of peace and confidence in their artistic brain. Searching for some sense of triumph. For some, they found this in critiques. Those days were the worst in my opinion. Many said whatever they felt, not caring for the well being or feelings of their classmates. Now I don't want to sound whiny and like a martyr. Mostly I hated these days because they were incredibly boring.

I'll have to write about critiques in another blog. I could write forever about this.

Sadly, all I held was four years of negative as I graduated and left school, and sadly I didn't pick up a paintbrush for nearly a year. I would drag my feet every time someone wanted me to make something. Waiting till the last possible moment to finish something, because of my wavering confidence. Their smiles and encouragement kept me afloat through the initial years after school, and are priceless to me.

As time passed I have been able to reflect on school. Pulling out the threads of positive from the mess that was my brain during that time. I'm finding them everywhere. Looking at old pieces and seeing the beauty in them, or in failed creations, what I learned. Looking back and seeing the intense growth made in four short years. As time passes, I can look back and see more than just threads of positive memories. Its swaths and piles of different colorful fabric. It just took some time to see it.

It was so much growth in a short span of time. Of course there were going to be growing pains. I no longer regret who I was, and the failures. Its a beautiful thing.

I want to thank my friends and family who endured me through that time. Through the mess of who I was, and loving me for the mess I am now.

Cheers Y'all


TLDR: Art school was hard. Thats ok. Stay positive. Keep making art. The end.

Humor

Yesterday was pretty heavy on the artist angst. So I wanted to lighten the mood....

Hehehe. Hope you got a giggle out of this like I did. Bravo to this artist.

Peace, y'all.

Courage.

It takes courage to be an artist. I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I put off buying art supplies in the name of managing our family's finances. It is difficult doing so knowing that you don't have a steady income,  you need to spend $150 on paint/supplies, and you are already on one paycheck to make everything work.

It is the worst feeling thinking that you are inhibiting your spouse in anyway because of your profession. Knowing that money could go to groceries, or that those paints could put you into debt? Its terrifying.

I'm lucky to say that I have an incredible supportive spouse who wants me to work, and knows that I have a healthy and positive state of mind when I have worked in my studio. Even if its for 30 minutes to an hour. I know others are not so lucky, and some are even on their own moonlighting after working their tail off at a 9-5 job.

Believe me, I've thought about getting a job. But I know I am not as strong as others. I know that if I get a 9-5 I will become complacent in my studio and it will go untouched for months at a stretch. Which would be detrimental. I would tear myself down for not being a committed artist. Ive experienced it. Its a downward spiral.

Sacrificing my own well being for money? Is that worth the trade off?
Actually I experienced it today. So, I made an order of paint, paint thinner, brushes, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing exotic. However, I felt a huge wave of guilt after I pressed the 'order' button. A good friend of mine told me once "Money is only a tool."

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to go into debt. Be thrifty. Coupon codes are awesome.


On the matter of Courage...

When I was studying abroad in Cortona, Italy,  I had a wonderful teacher who tried reaching out to me. I was going through a rough time artistically, and felt as though my lot in life had no future. My painting suffered. The last time I saw Professor Howard he had a serious expression on his face. He looked me in the eye  and said "Don't. Stop. Painting."

It took me a long while to realize that there was hope in that statement. That I was being told I could do this.

Being Positive is a CHOICE.
Choosing Joy is a CHOICE.

Yes, I fail in both of those categories consistently, but I want to keep trying.

I wholeheartedly believe that I have a gift that was given to me, but that doesn't make it easy.
Talent doesn't inherently mean ease. Just like hours spent polishing a piece of dirt.... its still dirt.

Taking strides and having the courage to become better. To BE BETTER than I was yesterday.

I have realized even after my short time on this earth that the more I chase after where my path is in life, where God wants me to go, the path becomes more level. I trip less, and in turn, fall less.

It just takes the courage to take those steps and fight forward.

Peace Y'all.

Hello!

SO. I figured why not. I know others keep up through blogs, and for a time when I lived out of the country, I updated everyone at home how I was doing with this format.

So here we are.

I named this blog the path because I knew everyone had their own journey they were making. As much as I struggle with my own, and mistakenly compare my life to theirs, I find myself my own worst enemy. So what makes one person successful?

I believe wholeheartedly it is Joy.

However finding that joy is a lot harder than one would imagine. There are those perfect days where I accomplish things that are fulfilling to my heart and to my family. More often than not I find myself degrading my own self and falling into self doubt.

For an artist this kind of cycle is crippling if not fatal to their career. How do you fight back? That is what I have been trying to discover recently, and what I want to discuss and record some thoughts here.